Scream as you might

Ever screm so loud and get that feeling that still no one heard you? The South African government's attempt to bring back the sale of ivory is irresponsible, insane in fact. But that is life. the voiceless always get fucked and the plebian meander through the self imposed mazes, erecting flags of self importance.

So who have a singled out for special attention since my last visit? Will Mazozo make a re-appearance as turd of the week? Dont get me wrong I dont think there are very many original bloggers on the world wide web. Thank God it's wide. Sure you can write about how sad you are at being unemployed and how life sucks being a single short midget playing fiddle my ego to the female masses or what about the ultimate pretender?

If God decided to resign and start elsewhere because of better working conditions, it would probably be the internet's fault. SO while ISP's charge exhorbitant amounts trying to do God's work, they obviously dont do enough because retards still make it on. Or as The Queen would put it, fucktards.

But after a quick survey, I will gladly give the award to this weeks worthy recipient.

She might not grab your attention as somebody worthy of a mention but honestly, how long can we put up with this morbid sad feel me better vibe. In fact The Organharvester came a close second. But she beat him hands down because she obviously wants the attention more than him. So please someone drop in and leave her a message.

That is all I am going to say. It's like downing a bottle of tequila, listening to James Blunt and Alanis Morisette mashed together. I have the craving to gnaw out my own wrists just thinking about it. Being down is ok, everyone get's it, by as your default setting? Isnt there an island you could go to, be by yourself? Everyone save up and send them some cash. Maybe The two can go on a depressing little honey moon together.

God Bless

It wonders all right

Stevie Wonder? Seventh wonder? No the bard wonders, obviously not a reference to any mental activity. Possibly wondered into something which had left him terminally unoriginal and a first class cock stroker. Now You dont have to live on the light side of the moon to know that Mazozo, is the hard luck love story, rejected with a strange affinity to mind altering drugs, he has delusions of intelligence and charm. In essence me thinks he is akin to the cousin you never leave around female underwear, even Aunt Gretthe, whose pantaloons could fly you to northern Europe in a stiff breeze, for fear he might sniff the fibres apart. Oh but I never tell tales. His latest offering to cyberspace, instead of the last load of family portraits is digital masturbator's delight. Deprived of all reputable outlets for relief he has obviously found an accepting home where in spite of shortcomings (get it?) he can be the human he aspires to be.

May this bard wonder off into the sunset and never return to a keyboard or terminal with internet access. Pity about no sterilisation programmes, some girl will be stupid to fall for it eventually. See there's some hope.

one third

80 000 seal cubs and 30 000 males will be culled in an effort to keep the seal population down. This is the action deemed necessary by the Namibian government. And a Delegation of environmentalist could not come up with a decent solution to curb the action. Because it all costed money. More money than clubbing a baby seal. One of the reasons behind the culling is that seals in Namibia eat about a third of the fish along the coast putting a strain on food supplies for human consumption.

Now if only we could use that logic for some of our bloggers. Now I did receive alot of mail in this past week. one or two of it hate. I am sorry I did not reply sooner. But you know work is work.
Anyway firstly yes you were all right. You all knew who I was writing about. And yes you would be right. A chronic masturbator.

But I will give R her dues. She wrote with feeling and it was what it was.

But moron of the week has to go to------>

Zahira's Space

No jokes, this one is cheesey and void of any original thought. She has the same ability to write as new Phillipino immigrants. But this is normal on the blogs. But this little cream puff is an editor and proud to say she can't spell. I take back everything I said about R and Safiyya and Organ Harvester and that Marshmellow girl. You have a new queen of fucktard and her name is Zahira. I had a look at the widget called take a listen to my soul. It came up blank. And I even tried reading her writing. I developed a migraine headache and a spontaneous nose bleed. If she were a seal I would club her. if she was a seal. But she is not. So the world she will continue to infect.

I wonder if her employer has seen her blog? I've seen more and better expression in a 99c porn movie than on her blog. Indeed she can be called the internet's worst polluter. A title she will wear with pride, because she's just a dumb animal.

meh meh meh


Keep sending in blogs you think are worthy of mention and and those sho shockingly shit, they qualify as a danger to the public.

if the murder rate is so high, why are there still bloggers?

No one likes a cry baby. I see my name mentioned more than a few names. So i am not a trademark but I still feel off kylter. The latest breaking news is how the government in the DRC is ignoring the murder of the mountain gorrillas. And we have to find a way to get them to stop the slaughter. People eat and use the bodies for witch craft and other superstitious activities. And when I get back and check out my favourite blogs, what do I come across? Stupidity like a disease break out.

Regarding the blogs I like, it didn't take the Stasi police to figure out what was going on and who was responsible, albeit indirectly. Look at the blogs I knocked off their perched superiority complex. And look at the ones I recommended.

Queen Lestat's kindly friend is probably a friend of R and MJ. But didn't attack MJ because one he is a guy and secondly probably knows him personally. Doesn't seem like the confident and secure type. Has to make great gestures to prove his friendship. Possibly secretly in love with one of the bloggers he calls his friend. Has a sexual identity crisis, his anger rotates between masculine and female in the letter. But is male. Standing up for a female person who his thinks I have hurt by not "liking" their blog. He is a chronic masturbator. Possibly while on MSN surrounded by little candles and dictionaries.

Ok seriously, this is a guy, has the maturity of a 15 year old, has a secret crush on one of the bloggers I said were shittier than a goat's ass in winter. Well you do the maths. It's not hard to work it all out. In fact you can probably run on three blogs, cancel one that seemed to have self-destructed. (great success!) one is male and seems to have wormed his way into the intelligent party and the other is the little stupid butterfly. Poirot would not lose sleep. Now look who are the blogs I like. Only one person get's hatemail?

Short hair out of necessity, a throbbing erection for a special blogger and a Prince Valiant chip on his shoulder. mmm I wonder who it could be.

This is my blog, feel free to comment or not comment. Leave stupid annoying ones with no sense whatsoever. You live in a free world. But don't get angry and mad like a dog because you stryggle to make sense in your home language, you go to a great University but you are intellectualy stimulating as an argument between two planks. It's ok to be stupid, otherwise we would have no people at university charging you to learn knowledge. But please if you want to know how I and why I like these people, come over here. ask me. You are a coward, hiding in your mother's apron waiting for the big bad man to go away. You make me laugh.

The whole threatening a woman is a dead give away. You are a trouble maker, because you can't get a woman to like you. You have no friends and you don't know when they will get rid of you. So you must act like a hero. Very funny. and Sad. You must be a Liverpool or Arsenal supporter.

So come on, here I am you little coward with no friends. You are too scared for dealing with a man? You can't beat me and expect your little girlfriend to get clever. hey maybe if you confess to her she'll give you a kiss?
Sorry if anyone thinks I am drunk. I had to speak their language. Crazy. See what gives. Maybe we can get down to the bottom of this and my presence can stop making life awkward for some people.

I never imagined I would be a blogger celebrity.

and for the second week running, the shittiest blog with a touch of irony goes to:

drum roll please

R

Well one down, one to go. Do parents know their kids are so stupid for the whole world to see? Just plain cock eyed, and no I am talking about her outlook on life. You couldnt drown an ant in what she knows. Heck, you could not wash it's balls either.

So visit, leave a comment and keep checking for updates as we uncover the liverpool FC supporter.

Rock is dead

For true, legend rockers are few and far between. And what we call music is the shopping mall, glorified music that the iPod army sing along to. It's like Sesame Street for the chronologically advanced. Does that irritate me? Damn straight. I hate being fake or playing for the masses. Integrity is dirty word that old people hang onto. I hang out at places where people know what they are talking about, where music is appreciated and not just “cool.” Cool is what stupid sluts say when they try to fit in. Old people and the uncool. You see that's what counts. Where you're seen, whom you're seen with and what you're seen with. Welcome to fucking planet me. The whole world is turning into a bunch of invader alien species types. The I live for money types and the proof that varsities have been letting everyone and anyone in. Churning out salty butter. I hate her she is a bitch. Yeah, you hate the competition.

Simple is complicated with foreign words to make the glitter shine and I cant find my gun fast enough. We need to save the environment. I watched An Inconvenient truth. Too much Carbon Dioxide, too much consumption, too much heat. How could we help that but just clipping these over-runs passing themselves off as high-end? I'm liberal but not too liberal, that's like saying I'm human but not too human. The kind of things that make you want to take drugs just to fit in, understand what the fuck is going on.

Manson called them disposable teens, but they don’t want to thought of as kids. Then act like adults. Don’t waste my time. So you don’t like what i have to say. I don’t like what you have to see. I see what you're doing and well I want to vomit. Violent projectile vomiting. The kind of stuff that causes birds to migrate. He is not my type, you're not my type. What is your type? A rhino? No. A robot. Someone void of opinion, a headless specimen whose trigger word is sale. Deadly mall assassins.

Brand conscious, socially unconscious.

They like things because other people like it. They like it because it sounds clever and they will be able to deftly slip it in during conversation to glowing admiration from the rest of the sewer people. They grunt their approval and for a few moments you are queen. Of the sewer people. Mommy and Daddy were right. I am special.

Now some people have written me irate emails. And I have been called everything from asshole to dick. I don't care what you cunts think. Yeah I am white. So what? The fact that one retard had to point that out proves what a bunch of shallow fuckbags you are. You still sound like a mongoloid who over-dosed on ritalin and speed. If you persist in putting up retarded shit don't expect me to just fall in line and leave a "gr8 post" comment. You are an embarassment to the human race and if you can't handle the criticism dont post shit. And dont give me that I don't have to read it bullshit. It's the public domain, so fuck you. My only hope is that soon enough you will leave the blogs and go live in the mall. And yes I did call you a chinese knock off of a real human. If anyone is in agreement, please visit the blogs and leave a comment, let's see how well it goes before they start deleting comments. again. So much for freedom of expression. So do everyone a favour and just fuck off.

Loving this blogging thing

I have neglected my hobby, namely the blogging thing. It's like big brother without the fat english dyke and the mould she passes as hair. And I can tell you it's so entertaining that I think we should make a movie with tom hanks and meg ryan, You got a comment, and it can be about people who post crap and other people and leave smileys and positive reinforcing comments that make the blogger feel warm and fuzzy and think that bad grammar and poor spelling and irreputable syntax maketh the Hilfiger model. Oh God I have seen photos of some of them. My god, eyes cocked like two pistols, and arrogantly stupid.

Hesitantly I have tried to be understanding, but after watching those concerts on the environment where Cameron came out in those teeny shorts and asked us to save electricity (I wonder how much they used to produce and broadcast those concerts in the first place?) I decided we needed to have a concert to rub out the gorilla crap on the net. Firstly blogs that eat up bandwidth, and pollute the internet searches with thoughts and illogocal processes that future archeologists will hopefully not class as "rock paintings of a primitive life form."

In that vein I think It's time to put up a list of really shitty, and shitty is me being nice about it, blogs for this week. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but now Paris points and laughs. FTW

What rhymes with Silver?
The Organ Harvester
Being something
large marshmallows
A wondering minstrel

Maybe I am a bit harsh, but reading some of them, I wondered what must occupy these lives to this extent. Living brain donor award goes to...

Here are a few that you might enjoy though. Lord there is hope.

All because of you
Concerning MJ
The Chronicles of Blaaahnia
Undefined (no it's not Alanis)

Vote, comment, swear, but please show us something. That you havent stepped out of Walter's or K-mart catalogue. That aspiration is not a hilfiger advert. Tralalalalala!

We humbly submit

Judgment day,

To the religious few, they must surely believe in some reckoning, so point in the timeline when everyone, not just the poor are made to pay in full for their actions. but reading through http://www.rhymesws.blogspot.com/ I almost choked on my coffee. Yes I mentioned someone's blog. yes I am being direct. fuck it's a lot shorter than me making up some story and hinting which most of you dont get anyway. read her last post and if that doesnt make hot coffee run out of your nose in a fit of hysteria then I don't know what will.

Surely attention seeking is a sin somewhere. If only for the annoyance value. Yes well i can hear those tiny cogs in your head working overtimes, grinding and squealing under the stress of primitive thought processes. Now dont get me wrong. I am trying not to be mean. but at some point you have to draw on the big stick with points knobs. The post is called dont judge a book by it's cover. But have a solid read through and that should have you in stitches. Honest to Deity shallowness. The kind of shallow that people would call an impending drought. Drought of anything substantial to contribute.

Ok so it's her blog. She can say what she wants. Like Paris can lecture kids on avoiding liquor and cars. Like David beckham can lecture on wormholes and time travel. That is their right. But honestly we dont have sit here and just close the page. We should be able to say that is mud pie.

Maybe weekends are not the best of times to be reading something as obviously deficient. Someone so obliviously self deprecating that i develop aversions to any name starting with an R.

Brand conscious and personally oblivious, they on the planet me, population 2, me and my ego, and rule by divine rule, or so the legend goes. How could they love anyone else when they have given their hearts to themselves?

Here is hoping they get bored with blogging and disappear eventually.

Comprehende

Try as I might to understand some Africans I will never be able to understand the Zimbabweans. Most believe that they are English by virtue of their preivate schooling that has left them with that horrible accent that sounds like they spent about 5 years performing fellatio on race car exhaust pipes. And most of them still live in the past when Zimbabwe was the only democracy on the continent and they had bread. If you ask any Zimbabwean about how things were they tell you how their currency was stronger than the Rand, how Malawi depended on them for food. And how they summered in Europe. When-we's is the name for those Rhodesian sorts who still fondly remember when the Queen was the head of the nation. And when we were in Rhodesia, blacks knew their place. I have never met a nation of people more in love with their colonial past that even the former colonisers are embarassed. And now that we are watching most of the country rot on the vine so to speak, every expat Zimbabwean whether he be in Botswana, South Africa or even lowly Malawi will point how it could all easily happen. Because they were also a shining Democracy once. They are suffering so they want to wish it on everyone else. They are an arroagnt nation. Conceited. Smaller nations have revolted against worse tyrants. But not Zimbabweans, they're too English. That would be below them. Not their cup of tea I guess. This as lesser countries send them food to eat.

Humbly I would submit that all borders with Zimbabwe be cut off. Because as it stands the rish bastards are holidaying locally, purging themselves on Seafood because it is so cheap here or shopping the SA economy into triple digit growth rates while their less fortunate countrymen are starving to death.

Now can anyone explain how Zimbabwe can ever be compared to any nation on the African Continent? Not even Nigeria during the 80's was as corrupt. So if you meet one of the when we's either toss them back over the border, or find some other way to send them back. Let them whinge and whine like true englishmen in their own province/county of the United Kingdom.

Sleeping like the dead

Not everyday do you come home to find that you German Sheperd has did a number on the bed. Loose hair everywhere it's not long before I am all puffy with allergies. Ironically, she doesnt bother me otherwise. Wife person will have definate problem with this. Dog must go outside. Sure as long as her folks dont come to visit. Sounds fair me thinks...

So here I am recovering from a cocktail of allergy tablets that just knocked me out. I woke up like a Hemingway after a night out on the town, but without the tragic suicide. I should get down to some work.

Oh in the spirit of Spring and ridding myself of annoyances. One because it is distracting like a mother fucker. 2 because some people are too selfish to be within my golden circle. And I hate having to explain myself over and over again, like I just called her whore in cyrillic. OK let me explain what she is all about. She always has some pain. Not because she has a poor diet, or takes shitty care off herself and puts herself under strain. And when she feels the pressure, she complains, her this is sore, her that is sore. I've tried to be all sunshine and christian about it. But I feel her sucking the marrow out of my bones as soon as I see an email. So I told her everything that I thought about.

Her response: So you want me out of you life?
My response: No. Dont go. Fuck off!

Yes I could have not said nasty things like that. But she is inconsiderate. Everytime she has aproblem with something or someone, she expects you to prise it out of her. And she refuses to solve it. I really cant be bothered. It's a confidence thing. Dead weight is dead weight. I am not a fucking hot air balloon needing counter weight.

I see some of the retards have stopped blogging. Nice one big guy!

greeting from the mobility of the internet. well since my last post, i have received less than flattering views. mostly crude attempts to sound dangerous, intimidating and uncover my identity. well i wont say who i'm not.
what's up with all the swearing? i mean some people swear and it's like sexy music. well to me anyway. slightly dysfunctional. yes but the option to Blog about woolworths food was already taken. *yawn*

so call me a cock sucker, wishing a severe case of vaginal thrush on me, it has been an interesting week. let me round up by saying, some people were meant to swear, others give you that same feeling you get when father o' mally offers to blow you in the confessional. definitively no. what was i harping on about? oh yes swearing, do it only if you really confident and not trying to come off as if you're not swearing. lucid enough?

ever get that feeling that there are some people you cant help cuss at? mother FUCKER, son of a bitch, cunt, FUCKER, BASTARD are only examples of the run of the mill terms available. but what still amazes me is the many references guys have to make to each other's genitalia. how many mother's were involved in severe collisions while pregnant, or worse acted as test subjects in tik labs?

OK, well i have a schedule to maintain. run bitches.

Pedal pusher

Shoot me if this is no where near the truth. But surely if a blog is on the public domain, and people are free to drop drivel like a leakey bum, surely by the grace of the Almighty, we as readers should be allowed to comment in a manner befitting the post/comment?

I mean really. I read some of the responses to comments and answered emails from irate bloggers who feel I am too harsh or personal. One person even threatened to implement blogger moderation. Surely, if you dont want those ugly people saying ugly things, you should either not blog and keep the madness inside your head. Or worse, restrict the number of people who read your blog. That way you can keep all the nice people who will only say nice things about you. Free speech works both ways and I dont believe in this if you dont like it dont read it shitit! It's in the publc domain, so surely any person with two braincells can logically conclude, that not everyone reading this will pat me on the head and give me a treat. Or am I too optimistic. The bottom line should read, if you cant satnd the heat, get out of the kitchen. Your blog is public property. Deal with it. You pollute the internet with you random thoughts about being angry, what men want and how woolworths is a substitute for having a personality. Give me a break. Not exactly straining the cognitive process. So in the same breath, comments should be allowed the same flexibility you allowed yourself while posting that trite you call a post.

besides you enjoy the thought that you might gain some groupies who will assauge your battered egoes and make you walk around with an erection all day. Only two steps out of the cave... Higher thought is an admirable goal.

Once again, my opinion. Feel free to leave more hatemail and warnings with a totalitarian finger wagging.

But I'm sorry but if someone leaves a dumb post, in my opinion anyway, I think it's fair to comment appropriately. It's about balance, not about skipping through the daffodils and kissing the sun. If you feel i'm too harsh, your retort is welcome, encouraged in fact. I feel like captain America fighting for the democratic way.

PERSONAL GRIPE 1

how in the hell do they get pass the defense systems. i mean these walking, talking mealie mouth, me people really think that they have important opinions. that they have foundations to say stupid things. i really like being the person to kick out their crutches. watch them fall. and then kick them when they're down. some people wouldnt know real even if it came and left a giant dudu on your chest.

monday is kill the shallow bitch day. if some pseudo intellect makes some blatantly obvious i fucked my daddy, retarded, comment, remove a vital organ. or just stomp the SHIT out of them. dont worry about making them feel bad. dont worry if they start crying. be ruthless. hopefully they'll go back to the little hole that their orifice left them at in the first place.

i take drugs so that i can ignore you. dont look a gifthorse in the mouth.

AK47s and Topless Dancers

One of the best holidays in the world is said to be Mozambique. Not because of it's great hospitality or world class accomadations. But because of mere fact that it's simple pleasures. If the evolution of society was a circle, We'd end up at Mocambique. One of Africa's great hopes during the 70's and early 80's, the country was finally brought to it's knees as one of the stages of Cold War. Now you can eat the best seafood next to a bullet ridden buildings. You can pick up weapons of choice on the market with a few hundred dollars. Off course Tourist stories of hiring bodyguards just to go the beach may be exaggerated. And off course there was the story of an AK47 wielding body guard slamming a kid for trying to steal the belongings of a tourist. How unodd is that?

Mozambique is what the world will look like when we realise that we have been chasing our tails and tales. When that happens, Mozambique will be a developed nation having long gotten used to being the National Geographic picture of ass fucked but still soldiering on. Timeshares anyone?

So welcome to Africa, the best place on earth where you can party till your eyes bleed with topless dancers and get a face full of AK47 while going out for a gentle swim in the warm Indian Ocean.

So it's not the seafood, or the exotic women, or the cheap guns and gunmen. It's a real life where the next iPod or great CD dont really matter. It is the very marrow of life. In my opinion anyway. It's where your meticals are worth less than the black stuff under your toenails but you can still get crayfish for less than it cost you to fall off to sleep the night before.

Bliss is so rare.

They say in chess you got to kill the queen then you made it…

I love the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Medicated mind is overrated.

Quality over quantity.

I hate attention seekers. I attract them. Like Paris attracts errant home video cameras. But like anything worth anything, I still romantically believe that everyone should be given a chance to prove that they are worth your time and effort and the little space you afford them in your life. I don’t understand the need and rush to accumulate friends. Some people, good natured sorts, the type that wouldn’t recognize their own retarded behaviour if it came down and slapped them on the head with a rowing oar. Those types actually annoy the clogged up shit out of me. The kind that have to be everyone’s friend, and when they have a meltdown, you have open up you special cup of nectar so they become drenched in that special glow that only snowflakes know. Someone hand me my traditional weapon. So they run around accumulating thousands of friends that make them feel special and loved and the warm center of the Universe. Beyond that they are about as useful as wrapping a pig in silk.

My patience, always overflowing in it’s virtuous abundance. Off course I bite my tongue until I become a mute. And then it’s a simple case of I’m sorry, this is not going anywhere fruitful and I believe our continued relationship will continue to meet the desired objectives of our brand. Yes I corporatise personal relationships. And maybe that is the secret. Off course I end it off with pleasant don’t burn bridges lingo. It’s a business decision. Continued partnership has lead to unforeseen depletion of reserves of energy and motivation. I am sure you are lovely person deep down inside, but I don’t want to become a miner to find it. All the best of God’s blessing. I wish you every success for your future endeavours. Yada yada yada, you kind of get the picture.

It makes sense to run relationships, friendships and romantic dockings as a business or partnership. When things don’t meet desired objectives, It would be in the interests of both parties to terminate the agreement, shake hands and seek alternative partnerships, collaborations. Life turns one minute to the right and you get a clean slate.

Some people would call this cold.

It’s just business.
Of keeping sane.

Dragan

Punching sharks

Somewhere in the distance that is my mind, there is some arb information on punching a shark if you are ever under threat of being attacked. Punch it right on the nose and they should go away. I can’t give you references. But whoever came up with such a ridiculous piece of advice must have been analyzing my life. I’m having one of those days when you wake up to chase a neighbour’s dog from you garbage and the day pretty much goes downhill from there. Not that I really care because there is nothing I can quite put my finger on. But I have this nagging feeling. This annoyed, uneasy I should have shot while I had the chance feelings.

Punching sharks is probably a nice euphemism for doing stupid things, like when you should be praying, or trying to protect yourself from the attack, you try to punch the shark. In all likelihood, you’ll miss, a raggy will rip your arm off and years later, supposing you survive, you will regale the masses with if only I had connected.

Yes I have plenty of if-onlys, for nothing more than a life without regret is probably akin to the Johnson and Johnson’s baby food version. All prepared and neatly packaged in a neat glass jar. It’s good for you, but no one goes back to it once you discover the joys of chewable chewables.

My relationship skills is on the rocks. Yes I finally clicked that I was doing something wrong. But I think in my sabbatical I learned to solve most of my public relations issues. So it’s start from scratch again. Christ what is life without someone to share it with. And the greatest cause of relationship upheaval – fear. I am mostly rid of that. Or I have internalized it enough ready to pop out sometime after my 40th birthday when my future family (wife and kids) will really need me.

So no more punching sharks. Well I am going to try. Because at the end of the day, we are the products of our choices. And no matter how hard we push and assign blame, we make the choices. We decide to where we want to move.

Like I said, what is a life without regret.

You are who you eat

How many people should be shot for for saying, things like I didnt expect it, I EXPECTED better or that is childish when dealing with juveniles. Me included. What was I expecting from them? A term paper on the morality of bending the time/space continuum? Highly unlikely many would have the slightest inkling as to what I was talking about. Not that I am being arogant in assuming that most juveniles are well ... juvenile, but ask most what Thabo Mbeki's father's name and you're likely to be met by blank, semi drooling stares. Ask them what colour Paris Hilton's bra was when she chugged Salmon's gibblies and everyone will give you a resounding black. Go figure.

So remember what your mothers say, hang around idiots and you become an idiot. Hang around kids and you become a...

I rest my case.

If they weren't born

Who would we have to take the piss out of and use as the poster children for contraceptive use? Yes my pedigreed chums, Terra is rising.