PERSONAL GRIPE 1

how in the hell do they get pass the defense systems. i mean these walking, talking mealie mouth, me people really think that they have important opinions. that they have foundations to say stupid things. i really like being the person to kick out their crutches. watch them fall. and then kick them when they're down. some people wouldnt know real even if it came and left a giant dudu on your chest.

monday is kill the shallow bitch day. if some pseudo intellect makes some blatantly obvious i fucked my daddy, retarded, comment, remove a vital organ. or just stomp the SHIT out of them. dont worry about making them feel bad. dont worry if they start crying. be ruthless. hopefully they'll go back to the little hole that their orifice left them at in the first place.

i take drugs so that i can ignore you. dont look a gifthorse in the mouth.

AK47s and Topless Dancers

One of the best holidays in the world is said to be Mozambique. Not because of it's great hospitality or world class accomadations. But because of mere fact that it's simple pleasures. If the evolution of society was a circle, We'd end up at Mocambique. One of Africa's great hopes during the 70's and early 80's, the country was finally brought to it's knees as one of the stages of Cold War. Now you can eat the best seafood next to a bullet ridden buildings. You can pick up weapons of choice on the market with a few hundred dollars. Off course Tourist stories of hiring bodyguards just to go the beach may be exaggerated. And off course there was the story of an AK47 wielding body guard slamming a kid for trying to steal the belongings of a tourist. How unodd is that?

Mozambique is what the world will look like when we realise that we have been chasing our tails and tales. When that happens, Mozambique will be a developed nation having long gotten used to being the National Geographic picture of ass fucked but still soldiering on. Timeshares anyone?

So welcome to Africa, the best place on earth where you can party till your eyes bleed with topless dancers and get a face full of AK47 while going out for a gentle swim in the warm Indian Ocean.

So it's not the seafood, or the exotic women, or the cheap guns and gunmen. It's a real life where the next iPod or great CD dont really matter. It is the very marrow of life. In my opinion anyway. It's where your meticals are worth less than the black stuff under your toenails but you can still get crayfish for less than it cost you to fall off to sleep the night before.

Bliss is so rare.

They say in chess you got to kill the queen then you made it…

I love the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Medicated mind is overrated.

Quality over quantity.

I hate attention seekers. I attract them. Like Paris attracts errant home video cameras. But like anything worth anything, I still romantically believe that everyone should be given a chance to prove that they are worth your time and effort and the little space you afford them in your life. I don’t understand the need and rush to accumulate friends. Some people, good natured sorts, the type that wouldn’t recognize their own retarded behaviour if it came down and slapped them on the head with a rowing oar. Those types actually annoy the clogged up shit out of me. The kind that have to be everyone’s friend, and when they have a meltdown, you have open up you special cup of nectar so they become drenched in that special glow that only snowflakes know. Someone hand me my traditional weapon. So they run around accumulating thousands of friends that make them feel special and loved and the warm center of the Universe. Beyond that they are about as useful as wrapping a pig in silk.

My patience, always overflowing in it’s virtuous abundance. Off course I bite my tongue until I become a mute. And then it’s a simple case of I’m sorry, this is not going anywhere fruitful and I believe our continued relationship will continue to meet the desired objectives of our brand. Yes I corporatise personal relationships. And maybe that is the secret. Off course I end it off with pleasant don’t burn bridges lingo. It’s a business decision. Continued partnership has lead to unforeseen depletion of reserves of energy and motivation. I am sure you are lovely person deep down inside, but I don’t want to become a miner to find it. All the best of God’s blessing. I wish you every success for your future endeavours. Yada yada yada, you kind of get the picture.

It makes sense to run relationships, friendships and romantic dockings as a business or partnership. When things don’t meet desired objectives, It would be in the interests of both parties to terminate the agreement, shake hands and seek alternative partnerships, collaborations. Life turns one minute to the right and you get a clean slate.

Some people would call this cold.

It’s just business.
Of keeping sane.

Dragan

Punching sharks

Somewhere in the distance that is my mind, there is some arb information on punching a shark if you are ever under threat of being attacked. Punch it right on the nose and they should go away. I can’t give you references. But whoever came up with such a ridiculous piece of advice must have been analyzing my life. I’m having one of those days when you wake up to chase a neighbour’s dog from you garbage and the day pretty much goes downhill from there. Not that I really care because there is nothing I can quite put my finger on. But I have this nagging feeling. This annoyed, uneasy I should have shot while I had the chance feelings.

Punching sharks is probably a nice euphemism for doing stupid things, like when you should be praying, or trying to protect yourself from the attack, you try to punch the shark. In all likelihood, you’ll miss, a raggy will rip your arm off and years later, supposing you survive, you will regale the masses with if only I had connected.

Yes I have plenty of if-onlys, for nothing more than a life without regret is probably akin to the Johnson and Johnson’s baby food version. All prepared and neatly packaged in a neat glass jar. It’s good for you, but no one goes back to it once you discover the joys of chewable chewables.

My relationship skills is on the rocks. Yes I finally clicked that I was doing something wrong. But I think in my sabbatical I learned to solve most of my public relations issues. So it’s start from scratch again. Christ what is life without someone to share it with. And the greatest cause of relationship upheaval – fear. I am mostly rid of that. Or I have internalized it enough ready to pop out sometime after my 40th birthday when my future family (wife and kids) will really need me.

So no more punching sharks. Well I am going to try. Because at the end of the day, we are the products of our choices. And no matter how hard we push and assign blame, we make the choices. We decide to where we want to move.

Like I said, what is a life without regret.

You are who you eat

How many people should be shot for for saying, things like I didnt expect it, I EXPECTED better or that is childish when dealing with juveniles. Me included. What was I expecting from them? A term paper on the morality of bending the time/space continuum? Highly unlikely many would have the slightest inkling as to what I was talking about. Not that I am being arogant in assuming that most juveniles are well ... juvenile, but ask most what Thabo Mbeki's father's name and you're likely to be met by blank, semi drooling stares. Ask them what colour Paris Hilton's bra was when she chugged Salmon's gibblies and everyone will give you a resounding black. Go figure.

So remember what your mothers say, hang around idiots and you become an idiot. Hang around kids and you become a...

I rest my case.

If they weren't born

Who would we have to take the piss out of and use as the poster children for contraceptive use? Yes my pedigreed chums, Terra is rising.